And again, seems to disavow personal responsibility and autonomy in a way I find very disturbing; is this the source of our disagreements over how to interpret various cases of rape and quasi-rape?

I don't think so. I may be confusing your own interpretation with beccaelizabeth's, who I seem to recall was also involved in the discussion on rape, but I think our main difference is in the value we assign to intent. As far as I understand it, I consider intent to be vital and you don't. I value intent for reasons including my understanding of how our criminal justice system works and why it should continue to work like that, my sense of 'fairness' (which is pretty much the same thing), and the personal experience of having met quite a few teenage boys and young men who couldn't interpret the signals another person was giving them if they were spelt out with subtitles.

There may be cases where a lack of autonomy is relevant - for example in cases of very serious mental disorder - but that is not key to my basic opinion.