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BtVS Fic: "Watcher's Burden" (1/1)
Title: Watcher's Burden (1/1)
Rating: PG for suggestions of violence and drug use.
Characters: Dawn, Giles, Roger, Lydia
Timeline: Post-"NFA"
Summary: Sometimes preparing for the future requires sacrifices in the present.
Watcher's Burden
“I can’t believe you are the one suggesting this,” says Giles. “After what your sister went through—-what you went through-—I can’t believe you could possibly be saying this.”
“None of that matters,” I say.
“You could have died. She could have died.”
“She didn’t,” I point out, with more facility than I feel. “She was up to the challenge. And I didn’t even really exist yet, so there was never any danger of me dying. He couldn’t have killed me.”
“That’s not the bloody point and you know it.”
“You don’t have to like it, Giles,” I tell him. “I certainly don’t. But it needs to be done.”
“I won’t march those girls into danger,” he says, resolute. “I wouldn’t do it before and I won’t do it now.”
I walk up to Giles, put my hand on his shoulder. “You won’t have to,” I tell him. “I’ll do it.”
*****
It is put to a vote before the High Council. Giles votes against it, of course; Roger Wyndam-Pryce votes in the affirmative. Lydia Chalmers, the sole survivor of the Council headquarters explosion, abstains. It’s up to me, the youngest member of the High Council, to break the tie. Of course, I introduced the motion, so we all know how I'm going to vote.
“Aye,” I say, wondering how many girls I am condemning to death, and knowing in my heart that is necessary.
“The motion passes,” says Roger Wyndam-Pryce with a too-smug smile as he records the result of the vote. “The practice of the Cruciamentum is reinstated.”
*****
“Stare into the crystal and meditate, Beatrice,” I tell you. You’re barely younger than I am, your eighteenth birthday about a week away. “We need to work on your concentration.”
You gaze into the crystal, your face blank, in a trance. Knowing you no longer sense my presence, I reach for the case and open it, taking out the hypodermic.
*****
“Your Slayer has survived her test,” Giles says to me, coldly. “Congratulations.” He is still angry, I fear.
“Don’t worry about Rupert,” says Roger Wyndam-Pryce. “He is only upset that you passed the test that he failed.” Unsurprisely, I’m not comforted by Wyndam-Pryce’s words. I would think that there would be very little that man could ever say to me that I would find comforting.
“You made a difficult choice,” Lydia says. “Rupert understands that, I know. He’s made his own decisions he’d rather not have had to make. Just give him time.”
“Do you think I made the right choice?” I ask her.
“Does it matter what I think?” she asks, but then she sighs and looks to the side. I can tell she is thinking, and that she’ll give me an answer as soon as she comes up with one.
Her eyes fall on a picture of Quentin Travers, who had lead the Council before he died in the explosion—-the same explosion that Lydia had miracurously survived, although whether through intervention by the Powers, the First, or something else nobody knows. (Just as we still don’t know why Angel was brought back after Buffy killed him, I muse. And then I wonder—-where is Angel?) Travers had traveled to America to oversee Buffy’s Cruciamentum, and then again to review her performance before giving her the Council’s information about Glorificus. (Even years later, I shiver at the memory of the hellgod.) Giles and Buffy hated him with the deepest righteous anger. But Lydia has seen the other side of the man; had looked up to him as teacher and friend.
“Rupert loves the girls with the heart of a father, and it can blind him. Whereas Roger has no heart, could not even bring himself to love his actual son, he’s so blinded by his lust for power. It’s our job, perhaps, to see through these things. Quentin once told me that the purpose of the Cruciamentum was to teach the Slayer that we are not her friends, not her parents. It’s a cold truth, but history has borne him out. When it really mattered, the Council was not there for your sister. If Travers had not done what he did when he did, would your sister have been prepared to soldier on without us? He prepared for his own death, and it may have saved the world.”
Lydia puts her hand on the portrait’s frame, stares deeply into the painted eyes of her mentor’s simulacrum. “Let the men be blinded by love and by power,” she says. “We need to prepare for the future.”
“For the future,” I repeat, if somewhat tonelessly, then turn and walk towards my office. After all, a Watcher’s burden is never complete.
Rating: PG for suggestions of violence and drug use.
Characters: Dawn, Giles, Roger, Lydia
Timeline: Post-"NFA"
Summary: Sometimes preparing for the future requires sacrifices in the present.
Watcher's Burden
“I can’t believe you are the one suggesting this,” says Giles. “After what your sister went through—-what you went through-—I can’t believe you could possibly be saying this.”
“None of that matters,” I say.
“You could have died. She could have died.”
“She didn’t,” I point out, with more facility than I feel. “She was up to the challenge. And I didn’t even really exist yet, so there was never any danger of me dying. He couldn’t have killed me.”
“That’s not the bloody point and you know it.”
“You don’t have to like it, Giles,” I tell him. “I certainly don’t. But it needs to be done.”
“I won’t march those girls into danger,” he says, resolute. “I wouldn’t do it before and I won’t do it now.”
I walk up to Giles, put my hand on his shoulder. “You won’t have to,” I tell him. “I’ll do it.”
It is put to a vote before the High Council. Giles votes against it, of course; Roger Wyndam-Pryce votes in the affirmative. Lydia Chalmers, the sole survivor of the Council headquarters explosion, abstains. It’s up to me, the youngest member of the High Council, to break the tie. Of course, I introduced the motion, so we all know how I'm going to vote.
“Aye,” I say, wondering how many girls I am condemning to death, and knowing in my heart that is necessary.
“The motion passes,” says Roger Wyndam-Pryce with a too-smug smile as he records the result of the vote. “The practice of the Cruciamentum is reinstated.”
“Stare into the crystal and meditate, Beatrice,” I tell you. You’re barely younger than I am, your eighteenth birthday about a week away. “We need to work on your concentration.”
You gaze into the crystal, your face blank, in a trance. Knowing you no longer sense my presence, I reach for the case and open it, taking out the hypodermic.
“Your Slayer has survived her test,” Giles says to me, coldly. “Congratulations.” He is still angry, I fear.
“Don’t worry about Rupert,” says Roger Wyndam-Pryce. “He is only upset that you passed the test that he failed.” Unsurprisely, I’m not comforted by Wyndam-Pryce’s words. I would think that there would be very little that man could ever say to me that I would find comforting.
“You made a difficult choice,” Lydia says. “Rupert understands that, I know. He’s made his own decisions he’d rather not have had to make. Just give him time.”
“Do you think I made the right choice?” I ask her.
“Does it matter what I think?” she asks, but then she sighs and looks to the side. I can tell she is thinking, and that she’ll give me an answer as soon as she comes up with one.
Her eyes fall on a picture of Quentin Travers, who had lead the Council before he died in the explosion—-the same explosion that Lydia had miracurously survived, although whether through intervention by the Powers, the First, or something else nobody knows. (Just as we still don’t know why Angel was brought back after Buffy killed him, I muse. And then I wonder—-where is Angel?) Travers had traveled to America to oversee Buffy’s Cruciamentum, and then again to review her performance before giving her the Council’s information about Glorificus. (Even years later, I shiver at the memory of the hellgod.) Giles and Buffy hated him with the deepest righteous anger. But Lydia has seen the other side of the man; had looked up to him as teacher and friend.
“Rupert loves the girls with the heart of a father, and it can blind him. Whereas Roger has no heart, could not even bring himself to love his actual son, he’s so blinded by his lust for power. It’s our job, perhaps, to see through these things. Quentin once told me that the purpose of the Cruciamentum was to teach the Slayer that we are not her friends, not her parents. It’s a cold truth, but history has borne him out. When it really mattered, the Council was not there for your sister. If Travers had not done what he did when he did, would your sister have been prepared to soldier on without us? He prepared for his own death, and it may have saved the world.”
Lydia puts her hand on the portrait’s frame, stares deeply into the painted eyes of her mentor’s simulacrum. “Let the men be blinded by love and by power,” she says. “We need to prepare for the future.”
“For the future,” I repeat, if somewhat tonelessly, then turn and walk towards my office. After all, a Watcher’s burden is never complete.
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no subject
In many ways, this is the piece of mine which most concisely sets forth the values of the Watcher-verse. It includes the crucial plot points--Dawn as Watcher, Lydia's survival--and a thematic message which resonates through much of my Dawn fic: being a Watcher means taking burdens onto yourself so that others can fight the good fight with their consciences unsullied.
I don't know if I particularly agree with the need for the Cruciamentum--I probably don't, although I am fond of the rationale I've fanwanked for Travers in my fics, and I do think Travers was much wiser and more complex than most fanon makes him out to be--but I wanted something counterintuitive and thought-provoking, with a decent amount of shock-value. I wanted to show Dawn stepping into her own and making a decision that both Giles and Buffy would disapprove of. And I wanted to show Dawn taking off Giles' shoulder a burden he couldn't bear: having to vote to send the girls into what could be seen as unncecessary battles.
Thank you for your feedback!
no subject
I'm going to try to post it one more time in the next comment. If it doesn't work, I'll send it to you to your email addie, though you wanted a public comment. Hope that is okay with you :)
Cas
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I like the gravity of this, the grown-upness of it. This Dawn is not the teen-aged girl we’ve seen on tv. But you haven’t gone into long explanations of her situation, you’ve shown us by the dialogue and reactions from other people. Starting with conversations between the characters plunges us right into the action and captures our attention. I like your sure handling of the present tense, too. It gives a sense of immediacy.
You introduce your other characters naturally, with, again, no tedious exposition. I would certainly be willing to follow this Dawn and read more about her life. In a very short piece you’ve set up a nice little world, with conflicts and loyalties and memories.
Having said that, I don’t think I understand why Dawn wants the test to be revived. I would have liked Giles to give more arguments against it; he’s certainly had time to think about it and some personal experience. If Dawn had to counter what he said, we’d know why she’d thinks it’s essential. Is it because she believes with Quentin that Slayers need this push to stand on their own? But she doesn’t say that, another character does, so what’s her reason?
This is not a long story and I feel the structure could be a little tighter. There’s that old playwright’s rule about how a gun being introduced in the first act has to go off in the last; when you introduce Angel into Dawn’s musings, there’s no payoff. You’ve send the reader off into a path that leads nowhere. The reader must pull her attention back to your story about the Watchers’ Council, back from wondering, where the heck is Angel?
I also have a quibble about the time frame. Dawn says to Beatrice “you’re barely younger than I am” meaning 18 or so. But the language Dawn uses is so much more sophisticated than that she used in Buffy, that I thought she must be at least 10 years older. The tone she uses in her internal speech is adult, she tells us that Lydia looks at her mentor’s “simulacrum”, and while I like this Dawn much more the one I’m familiar with, there must have been some sort of transition to shape her into this adult. I would rather have read about Dawn’s becoming this person than the review of Traver’s trips to America, which, again, sent me off on a tangent, away from the story.
I hope I’ve conveyed that I really liked your story and would enjoy reading more about Dawn in this world.
Concrit
The language you use is stiff and formal, at times excessively so (I longed for an occasional elision) and this helps convey the mood of formality appropriate to the Watcher’s Council. Dawn, we learn to our shock, is still very young, and yet she too talks and thinks in the stiff tones of the others. Thus very neatly showing the ethos she has taken on, the woman she is becoming under their tutelage.
Your characterization of Giles is I think the best – conveying sparsely but clearly his desperate defense of his pre-chosen beliefs. And even Quentin Travers, dead and only referred to in absentia, becomes a more rounded character than he ever was on the show – being given motives and an emotional role for Lydia. (Was he her watcher, I wondered, when she was a young potential?)
I am giving you almost a line by line critique because in a story this short every word has to count and pull its weight.
This is a powerful introduction, raising questions in the reader’s mind and therefore hooking the interest.
This is an interesting idea and one that I only really grasoed on the fourth reading – that Dawn, not Joyce, was the one seized during Buffy’s cruciamentum. I don’t know if this is an idea you have referenced elsewhere in your fic or if it is a commonplace in Dawn fanon, but coming to the idea fresh it struck me as a clever and plausible one. However, as I say I only noticed it on the fourth reading. What I think would be nice is if you referred back to this idea later in the story, thus both making it more apparent and carrying on an important theme. (More of that later.)
’March’ is an odd choice of verb from Giles. Does it have exactly the resonance you were looking for?
And a nice strong ending to this first section, rounding off what is a very good start to the story.
That paragraph includes ‘vote’ twice and ‘votes’ twice. Repetition of a word can be useful for rhythmic emphasis or to create a specific effect, but I don’t think that is what you were aiming for here because unfortunately it comes across as rather stilted, miss-weighting the paragraph.
Should be ‘That it is necessary’. More or less the only typo I spotted.
It is doubtless just my juvenile mind but ‘the motion passes’ instantly evoked images of the lavatory. Made worse by RWP’s smug smile. You should perhaps rephrase.
Another powerful, punchy end to a section. You are good at those and it gives the piece an overall rhythm.
continued...
Another typo.
Here your language unfortunately moves from the deliberately formal into just being hard to read.
Very nice, a perfect little piece of characterization that also contributes to the plot.
Now why ‘fall’? It implies Lydia thinks of Quentin only by chance, and that contradicts her later emotions. A different verb such as ‘fix’ might carry the theme better.
I hate these asides in brackets. They distract but they add nothing to the story. If you want something for Dawn to think about while Lydia considers her answer I suggest this would be a perfect place to return to the idea of Dawn having been in danger during Buffy’s Cruciamentum. What emotions and memories does the whole idea of Cruciamentum evoke for Dawn? How is it playing into her present decision?
Nice idea.
A lovely contradiction of words and emotions as displayed through her actions.
I have read and re-read that last sentence and yet I am still unsure what you are trying to say with it. I feel the message is important to you but I am just not following it. And most sadly the result of that last sentence is that it makes this the weakest ending for a section you have. I actually think the sentence before that completes and summarizes the story much better and the last one is superfluous. To close with Dawn going back into her office would be an ending as punchy as all the others that gives both a finality to the decision that will undoubtedly condemn girls to their death and encapsulates the woman she has become – office-bound, formal, taking on the rituals and traditions of the Watcher’s Council.
continued...
So at the moment your story consists only of the emotion of having reintroduced something dangerous that evokes bad memories, and the questions it provokes. Emotion can make for a good story, and you have a good story. But emotion with understanding (for the reader) of the root of that emotion can make a good story better. If you settle for the harder option of both posing the questions and then answering them, you will take this story up a significant notch.
TNSLCtTCTCzYe
(Anonymous) 2012-10-06 12:11 am (UTC)(link)Feedback... and nitpickery
That said, there are some things I think need pointing out in terms of writing technique. Some spelling errors, "unsurprisely" instead of "unsurprisingly" for ex, though those are pretty trivial... other things stood out more.
“Your Slayer has survived her test,” Giles says to me, coldly. “Congratulations.” He is still angry, I fear.
Why would Dawn "fear" that Giles is still mad? If he's speaking to her like that, isn't it obvious that he is?
Last paragraph:
“For the future,” I repeat, if somewhat tonelessly, then turn and walk towards my office. After all, a Watcher’s burden is never complete.
Two things that jarred me there. First off, the "if somewhat tonelessly" implies another, preceding adverb to me... as in "quickly, if somewhat gracelessly" for example. The lack of it makes the sentence seem funny. Second, the very last sentence is... well, frankly, it looks like you were trying to come up with an alternative way to say "a Watcher's job is never done" and I think it'd have been better if you left it in the original form. Just my opinion, though!
Re: Feedback... and nitpickery
I appreciate the nitpickery!