70 Questions for Rupert Giles
Dec. 9th, 2005 04:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alixtiiTo: rpryce@watcher.gov.uk; dsummers@watcher.gov.uk; lchalmers@watcher.gov.uk
From: rgiles@watcher.gov.uk
Subject: Re: Questionnaire for High Council Peer Review
______________________
1. DO YOU SNORE?
I most certainly do not.
2. ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER?
I prefer to think I am capable of either with equally developed proficiency, although I am sure a Slayer could put me to shame in either category.
3. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?
Becoming so used to watching Slayers dying that I no longer feel it. In short, of becoming you, Roger.
4. AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC?
As a kid, I was set to the Watcher’s Academy beginning at the age of six, where I studied the things that other children my age were having nightmares about. Then I ran away from the Council and lived a Bohemian lifestyle that got people killed. I trust you are satisfied?
5. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF "REALITY" TV?
This American rubbish which has now infected our television as well? If there is anyone—excepting the Sunnydale contingent, of course, whose psychological imbalances are already known—who actually admits to liking the stuff, I want to see their files on my desk first thing tomorrow.
6. DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?
I can’t imagine why anyone should care in the least, but no. I don’t.
7. WERE YOU A CUTE BABY?
Perhaps. No one who knew me then would ever think to say so, though.
8. IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU?
In the past, many of my attachments have ultimately proved . . .unfortunate. Perhaps it is better for a Watcher to be alone.
9. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD?
White.
10. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?
I have been known to break out into ‘Pinball Wizard’ once or twice, if you must know.
11. HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED?
Yes.
12. ANY SECRET TALENTS?
Yes. (Perhaps the three of you should review the meaning of the word ‘secret'.)
13. WHAT'S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT?
The Coven’s estate in Devonshire. I always return from my retreats there mentally relaxed and emotionally prepared to return to work.
14. IS JAY LENO FUNNY?
Americans, for the most part, do not know the meaning of the word humour.
15. CAN YOU SWIM?
Yes. Roger and Lydia will be able to attest how well being put in an Olympic-sized pool with a Greftith Demon acts an incentive towards learning. Assuming one isn’t eaten, of course.
16. HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE "DONNIE DARKO"?
Yes, I have actually, although I find it hard to believe anyone of you except Dawn has. Mostly pseudophilosophical babble, although I must admit the movie had heart. All involved should be forced to never be involved in science fiction again in any way.
17. DO YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE OZONE?
If the world survives long enough for humans to destroy it, then I will have done my job.
18. HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE ROLL POP?
As opposed as I may have been to this exercise in beaurocracy, Dawn, you could treat it with a tad more seriousness.
19. CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS?
I suppose I could, were I ever to desire to do so.
20. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE?
What is the purpose of this review if you are going to ask me questions to which you already know the answer?
21. ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD?
I am. Fortunately, I suppose—I would not want to inflict my childhood onto any brothers or sisters.
22. DO YOU PREFER ELECTRIC OR MANUAL PENCIL SHARPENER?
There was a time when I would have answered manual, I suppose. Over seven years watching over an active Slayer have put those answers into perspective. I no longer have the time nor the inclination to spend any unnecessary time sharpening a bloody pencil.
23. WHAT'S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING?
Hardly sporting, I suppose. Oh, that’s right—you did go fox hunting, didn’t you, Roger? Shame that those Labour types in Parliament don’t show the proper respect for the landed gentry.
24. IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?
How is this question any more than the obverse of question no. 8? Or is this some sort of control? Seeing as my personal relationships do not warrant a reference in the Tradëscan Codex, I can only say that I do not see my personal status changing at any point in the near future.
25. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
As with pencil sharpening, I no longer have the desire to make my handwriting a spiritual experience, creating elaborate loops as I dot my I’s and cross my T’s. If my writing is illegible, girls may die. That must remain my main concern.
26. WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO?
Blackberries.
27. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, "I LOVE YOU"?
1983.
28. IS ELVIS STILL ALIVE?
Define ‘alive’.
29. DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS?
I have not been to a great number of weddings in my life. Of those I have, none were particularly meaningful to me.
30. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
Poached, preferably.
31. ARE BLONDES DUMB?
No. That said, do you think that I think Lydia wouldn’t skewer me alive if I answered yes? Not to mention Buffy if Dawn ever let the information loose….
32. WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP?
Jg’areq, Third Hell of the Demon Ysharok. Why bother to attempt to trip me up on something so elementary?
33. WHAT TIME IS IT?
At the moment? Three in the afternoon.
34. DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?
No. You may call me ‘Giles’ or ‘Rupert.’ No other permutations are permissible. Somehow, Xander seems to have missed this memorandum.
35. IS MCDONALD'S DISGUSTING?
I wouldn’t know; I have never stooped quite so low. If it anything like the Doublemeat Palace burger Buffy once forced me to partake, then yes.
36. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR, AND WHO WERE YOU WITH?
It was last week. I was driving Dawn to Heathrow from Bath so she could return to Italy.
37. DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS?
Another answer that has been changed by seven years in Sunnydale. Showers, now.
38. IS SANTA CLAUS REAL?
There are levels of reality. I prefer not having to deal with the other levels, but I suppose I am in the wrong line of work for that.
39. DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED?
Do with the information what you will, I dare you: Yes.
40. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?
Knowing what we know, we would be foolish not to be.
41. WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO?
Nothing, since I broke most my habits in the 80’s.
42. CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER?
Dawn, Roger and Lydia would never even think to ask that question. I must admit that I have never myself quite understood the American obsession with the stuff.
43. CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK?
I spend most of my time trying not to get my neck cracked.
44. HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE?
Yes. As I will again, without doubt.
45. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY?
Once.
46. IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE?
As usual, someone—probably American—has managed to turn a complicated moral question into a rhyming catchphrase.
47. ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER?
When I can permit myself the luxury. So no.
48. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?
Brown.
50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE?
I can only hope that perhaps it allows others to like theirs.
51. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS OR PIERCINGS?
The Mark of Eyghon.
52. ARE YOU PSYCHIC?
Not without mystical aids, no.
53. HAVE YOU READ "CATCHER IN THE RYE"?
I have not. American literature was shortchanged in my education to allow more time hunched over the Tradëscan Codex.
54. DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS?
The guitar, as Dawn can attest.
55. HAVE YOU EVER STOLEN MONEY?
Of course.
56. CAN YOU SNOWBOARD?
No.
57. DO YOU LIKE CAMPING?
A respite from society can at times be invigorating.
58. DO YOU SNORT WHEN YOU LAUGH?
I most certainly do not.
59. DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?
In our line of work it would certainly be perverse to answer in the negative, would it not?
60. ARE DOGS A MAN'S BEST FRIEND?
I must admit to having never truly seen the appeal in anthropomorphizing nonsapient beings.
61. YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE?
I believe in the interrogative ‘do’, certainly. As for divorce, a Watcher must learn to resign himself to many situations which are less than ideal in order to prevent a greater evil.
62. CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK?
Can and will are two incredibly different beasts.
63. DO YOU MAKE MANY MISTAKES?
Incredibly many. The only reason I allow myself to be placed in a position of such responsibility is that I don’t trust anyone else not to make even more.
64. IS IT COLD OUTSIDE TODAY?
Somewhat bitter. May I enquire what purpose this question could possibly serve?
65. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
A scone. Not a single word, Dawn.
66. DO YOU WEAR NAIL POLISH?
Not since the early 80’s, thank the Lord.
67. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN KISSED?
Yes.
68. WHAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL?
The whole of American television is equally annoying.
69. DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE?
Dawn. . . .
70. FAVORITE BAND AT THE MOMENT?
Queen, of course.
Rupert Giles, High Council
c/o Watcher’s Council of Britain
99a Great Russell Street
London, WC1B 3LA
Phone: 020 7123 4567
E-mail: rgiles@watcher.gov.uk
From: rgiles@watcher.gov.uk
Subject: Re: Questionnaire for High Council Peer Review
______________________
1. DO YOU SNORE?
I most certainly do not.
2. ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER?
I prefer to think I am capable of either with equally developed proficiency, although I am sure a Slayer could put me to shame in either category.
3. WHAT'S YOUR WORST FEAR?
Becoming so used to watching Slayers dying that I no longer feel it. In short, of becoming you, Roger.
4. AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC?
As a kid, I was set to the Watcher’s Academy beginning at the age of six, where I studied the things that other children my age were having nightmares about. Then I ran away from the Council and lived a Bohemian lifestyle that got people killed. I trust you are satisfied?
5. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF "REALITY" TV?
This American rubbish which has now infected our television as well? If there is anyone—excepting the Sunnydale contingent, of course, whose psychological imbalances are already known—who actually admits to liking the stuff, I want to see their files on my desk first thing tomorrow.
6. DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS?
I can’t imagine why anyone should care in the least, but no. I don’t.
7. WERE YOU A CUTE BABY?
Perhaps. No one who knew me then would ever think to say so, though.
8. IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU?
In the past, many of my attachments have ultimately proved . . .unfortunate. Perhaps it is better for a Watcher to be alone.
9. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD?
White.
10. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER?
I have been known to break out into ‘Pinball Wizard’ once or twice, if you must know.
11. HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED?
Yes.
12. ANY SECRET TALENTS?
Yes. (Perhaps the three of you should review the meaning of the word ‘secret'.)
13. WHAT'S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT?
The Coven’s estate in Devonshire. I always return from my retreats there mentally relaxed and emotionally prepared to return to work.
14. IS JAY LENO FUNNY?
Americans, for the most part, do not know the meaning of the word humour.
15. CAN YOU SWIM?
Yes. Roger and Lydia will be able to attest how well being put in an Olympic-sized pool with a Greftith Demon acts an incentive towards learning. Assuming one isn’t eaten, of course.
16. HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE "DONNIE DARKO"?
Yes, I have actually, although I find it hard to believe anyone of you except Dawn has. Mostly pseudophilosophical babble, although I must admit the movie had heart. All involved should be forced to never be involved in science fiction again in any way.
17. DO YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE OZONE?
If the world survives long enough for humans to destroy it, then I will have done my job.
18. HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE ROLL POP?
As opposed as I may have been to this exercise in beaurocracy, Dawn, you could treat it with a tad more seriousness.
19. CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS?
I suppose I could, were I ever to desire to do so.
20. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE?
What is the purpose of this review if you are going to ask me questions to which you already know the answer?
21. ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD?
I am. Fortunately, I suppose—I would not want to inflict my childhood onto any brothers or sisters.
22. DO YOU PREFER ELECTRIC OR MANUAL PENCIL SHARPENER?
There was a time when I would have answered manual, I suppose. Over seven years watching over an active Slayer have put those answers into perspective. I no longer have the time nor the inclination to spend any unnecessary time sharpening a bloody pencil.
23. WHAT'S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING?
Hardly sporting, I suppose. Oh, that’s right—you did go fox hunting, didn’t you, Roger? Shame that those Labour types in Parliament don’t show the proper respect for the landed gentry.
24. IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE?
How is this question any more than the obverse of question no. 8? Or is this some sort of control? Seeing as my personal relationships do not warrant a reference in the Tradëscan Codex, I can only say that I do not see my personal status changing at any point in the near future.
25. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
As with pencil sharpening, I no longer have the desire to make my handwriting a spiritual experience, creating elaborate loops as I dot my I’s and cross my T’s. If my writing is illegible, girls may die. That must remain my main concern.
26. WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO?
Blackberries.
27. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, "I LOVE YOU"?
1983.
28. IS ELVIS STILL ALIVE?
Define ‘alive’.
29. DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS?
I have not been to a great number of weddings in my life. Of those I have, none were particularly meaningful to me.
30. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
Poached, preferably.
31. ARE BLONDES DUMB?
No. That said, do you think that I think Lydia wouldn’t skewer me alive if I answered yes? Not to mention Buffy if Dawn ever let the information loose….
32. WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP?
Jg’areq, Third Hell of the Demon Ysharok. Why bother to attempt to trip me up on something so elementary?
33. WHAT TIME IS IT?
At the moment? Three in the afternoon.
34. DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME?
No. You may call me ‘Giles’ or ‘Rupert.’ No other permutations are permissible. Somehow, Xander seems to have missed this memorandum.
35. IS MCDONALD'S DISGUSTING?
I wouldn’t know; I have never stooped quite so low. If it anything like the Doublemeat Palace burger Buffy once forced me to partake, then yes.
36. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR, AND WHO WERE YOU WITH?
It was last week. I was driving Dawn to Heathrow from Bath so she could return to Italy.
37. DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS?
Another answer that has been changed by seven years in Sunnydale. Showers, now.
38. IS SANTA CLAUS REAL?
There are levels of reality. I prefer not having to deal with the other levels, but I suppose I am in the wrong line of work for that.
39. DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED?
Do with the information what you will, I dare you: Yes.
40. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?
Knowing what we know, we would be foolish not to be.
41. WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO?
Nothing, since I broke most my habits in the 80’s.
42. CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER?
Dawn, Roger and Lydia would never even think to ask that question. I must admit that I have never myself quite understood the American obsession with the stuff.
43. CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK?
I spend most of my time trying not to get my neck cracked.
44. HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE?
Yes. As I will again, without doubt.
45. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY?
Once.
46. IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE?
As usual, someone—probably American—has managed to turn a complicated moral question into a rhyming catchphrase.
47. ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER?
When I can permit myself the luxury. So no.
48. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?
Brown.
50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE?
I can only hope that perhaps it allows others to like theirs.
51. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS OR PIERCINGS?
The Mark of Eyghon.
52. ARE YOU PSYCHIC?
Not without mystical aids, no.
53. HAVE YOU READ "CATCHER IN THE RYE"?
I have not. American literature was shortchanged in my education to allow more time hunched over the Tradëscan Codex.
54. DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS?
The guitar, as Dawn can attest.
55. HAVE YOU EVER STOLEN MONEY?
Of course.
56. CAN YOU SNOWBOARD?
No.
57. DO YOU LIKE CAMPING?
A respite from society can at times be invigorating.
58. DO YOU SNORT WHEN YOU LAUGH?
I most certainly do not.
59. DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?
In our line of work it would certainly be perverse to answer in the negative, would it not?
60. ARE DOGS A MAN'S BEST FRIEND?
I must admit to having never truly seen the appeal in anthropomorphizing nonsapient beings.
61. YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE?
I believe in the interrogative ‘do’, certainly. As for divorce, a Watcher must learn to resign himself to many situations which are less than ideal in order to prevent a greater evil.
62. CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK?
Can and will are two incredibly different beasts.
63. DO YOU MAKE MANY MISTAKES?
Incredibly many. The only reason I allow myself to be placed in a position of such responsibility is that I don’t trust anyone else not to make even more.
64. IS IT COLD OUTSIDE TODAY?
Somewhat bitter. May I enquire what purpose this question could possibly serve?
65. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE?
A scone. Not a single word, Dawn.
66. DO YOU WEAR NAIL POLISH?
Not since the early 80’s, thank the Lord.
67. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN KISSED?
Yes.
68. WHAT'S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL?
The whole of American television is equally annoying.
69. DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE?
Dawn. . . .
70. FAVORITE BAND AT THE MOMENT?
Queen, of course.
c/o Watcher’s Council of Britain
99a Great Russell Street
London, WC1B 3LA
Phone: 020 7123 4567
E-mail: rgiles@watcher.gov.uk
