RPF: "Sex by Proxy" (Kristen Bell/Joss Whedon, Kristen Bell/Tina Majorino)

[alixtii]

Title: Sex by Proxy
Fandom: RPF
Pairings: Kristen Bell/Joss Whedon, Kristen Bell/Tina Majorino
Rating: R
Disclaimer: Everything I know about Kristen Bell I learned from "The Liberation of Katie Holmes." Everything I know about Joss Whedon I learned from "Going Hollywood." Everything I know about Tina Majorino (other than that she is teh awesome, which is just blindingly obvious) I learned from the commentary to Napoleon Dynamite. This is a work of fiction.
Summary: Tina won't be on set at the time, so Kristen is going to have to be the one to give Joss Whedon oral sex for her.
A/N: For wisdomeagle, who requested Joss/Kristen.

Sex by Proxy

Kristen is fairly sure that she and Tina don't have the type of relationship which entails Kristen giving blowjobs to people because Tina asks her to. But Tina seems to be fairly serious, saying "It's Joss Whedon," as if that is supposed to mean something to Kristen, then adding, "If there's anyone alive who deserves oral sex, it's him. And since I'm not going to be on set, you're going to have to do it for me. Here, I'll lend you some of my DVD's."

So she starts watching Joss Whedon's ouvre on DVD. She starts with a few episodes of Buffy chosen at random, since it's supposed to be the show that paved the way for Veronica, and Alyson and Charisma came from there and all, and she can see the generic similarity but still it's not really her thing. Then she pops in Firefly and gets all sucked in and becomes almost mad when "Objects in Space" just sort of, you know, ends. Without actually ending in any real way.

Kristen values her friendship with Tina, so she guesses she's just going to have to give Joss Whedon the oral sex he rightfully deserves.

* * *

It's been a long time since Joss has worked with actors who weren't his. He knows he shouldn't think of them like that, so proprietary as if they were just little green army men in a clear plastic bag that he bought for a buck or so, but he does. They're his.

Kristen isn't his, despite what her current position on her knees in front of him as she unfastens his fly might seem to imply. Joss has forgotten what it's like to work with actors who aren't his, whose careers don't depend on him and who don't have to suck up or even be nice to him. Kristen Bell is a pretty, popular actress who's going-places career is in no way connected to his own, and right now, his dick is in her mouth.

It hasn't been like this since his Roseanne days, when he and Glenn would sometimes slip off set to share a fag in both senses of the phrase, before Joss became famous and even Glenn became one of his. It's sort of humbling, for the value of humbling which isn't humbling at all but rather a massive ego trip, and God knows that he, Joss Whedon, doesn't really need an ego any bigger than it already is.

Joss comes in Kristen's mouth and there's no place for her to spit out so she swallows, and it occurs to Joss that technically, she's just violated her veganism. He zips up his fly and then leans in to kiss her, but she pulls away, surprisingly reticient for someone who was just sucking his dick a moment ago.

"That was for a friend," Kristen says, looking Joss in the eye as she does so, and Joss knows that no, Kristen isn't his, not at all, and he's gone back to being humbled again. "Tina. She couldn't be here today, and so she asked me to--" She breaks off, and only now does she look away.

"Well, then give her the kiss for me," Joss says.

* * *

"So did you see Joss?" Tina asks interestedly the next time she's on set.

Kristen nods. "I did the--well, you know what. And he, um, said to give you something."

Tina's eyes open wide as she looks up to Kristen in awed anticipation. "Me? Really?" she asks. "What?"

And that's when Kristen leans in and her lips meet Tina's, and, oh her god, she's kissing her friend, and she's not sure who opens her mouth first but suddenly there's tongue and neither seem to be pulling back and why isn't she pulling back but she's not going to pull back because Tina's lips are soft and Tina's mouth is hungry and they make out for about a minute no a couple of minutes maybe longer maybe a lot longer breathing furiously through their noses blowing warm air on each others' cheeks.

"Wow," says Tina after, blinking as she looks at Kristen. "You can tell Joss he is a really good kisser."

Kristen grabs Tina's hand and drags her into the bathroom. "Come on," she says. "That was only half of it."

Comments

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