There are def. some good points, and I really like the interaction and the dialogue, but there are some stylistic flaws...
For instance, in this paragraph:
“Oh, they aren’t worth nearly so much,” Book answers deftly, evasively, ever so skilled in equivocation. But Kaylee won’t give up so easily, and once she’s filled her mug she sits down across from him, expectantly.
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Date: 2005-12-17 01:31 am (UTC)For instance, in this paragraph:
“Oh, they aren’t worth nearly so much,” Book answers deftly, evasively, ever so skilled in equivocation. But Kaylee won’t give up so easily, and once she’s filled her mug she sits down across from him, expectantly.
You overuse so.
Just little things, though.