Lethe's Blessing
Aug. 8th, 2005 10:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alixtiiTitle: Lethe’s Blessing
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer / Angel
Rating: Restricted/Mature
Pairings: Giles/Willow, Giles/Buffy, Giles/Olivia, Buffy/Angel
Timeline/Chronology: “I Will Remember You”
Summary: Some things are better off never having happened. For the IWRY Ficathon.
It had been twelve hundred and seventy-five days, exactly, that Rupert Giles had been in Sunnydale. Through all that time, he’d known exactly what he was doing there: he had a sacred duty to guide and protect a teenage girl with a well, inventive control of what Americans facetiously call the English language. He tried to hide from that destiny once, but now knew he cannot any longer; it was part of who he was. And the truth was, he no longer wanted to.
He could never have imagined, as a rebellious young man experimenting with Ethan and Deidre and Randall and Philip and all the others, the type of joy this destiny would one day bring to him, how satisfying it could be to mentor and guide a young American girl and watch her to mature and become such an extraordinary woman. He had lost his job with the Council when he had stood up against Travers, refusing (albeit belatedly) to let them send his Slayer to her death. He had lost his job as a Sunnydale High librarian when he had detonated high-yield explosives at his place of employment. Now he was no more than an unemployed Briton with a green card. None of that mattered. Destiny didn’t seem to care in the least whether or not he was drawing a paycheck. His life now had a purpose, and that purpose just happened to have the rather unlikely name of Buffy Anne Summers.
“Giles? Are you even listening to me?”
“What? Oh yes, Willow, please go on.”
Willow had come over that evening to discuss a specific passage in the Tradescan Codex she felt might be important. The girl had grown much more advanced in her ability to decode and utilize mystical texts—while her actual skill with language still lagged far behind his own, her ability as a witch was already beginning to outshine anything he could teach her. “See these diacriticals?” she asked. “They suddenly become bivalent.”
“Erm, yes. Bivalent diacriticals in the Codex typically represent some type of split, or the potential for radical change,” he answered, distracted. Buffy was in L.A. for the day, confronting Angel after Xander let slip the vampire’s involvement in the Thanksgiving situation. It disturbed him somewhat that Angel was still capable of upsetting Buffy to that degree. Emotional control was important in a Slayer, who needed to be able to make quick decisions on a battlefield. Angel had left because he had realized how damaging the relationship had been. Giles wasn’t quite sure Buffy herself was yet capable of seeing things objectively.
“But Giles, everything begins to carry the bivalent diacriticals—even the verbs and the prepositions. It’s as if the entire world was about to split into two.”
“What?” He examined the passage in the Codex more closely. “Why, yes, that is rather odd.”
It was at that moment that the telephone rang. Willow was closer to the phone, and without hesitation picked it up to answer it. Giles supposed he should be glad the girl was that comfortable in his house, but resented somewhat the violation of privacy. What if it were Olivia who was calling him?
“Hello?” asked Willow. “Oh, hey, Buff. How’s Angel? Really? That’s—well, that’s great, I guess. So are you going to—no, I get it, you need time and all. I mean, this is so—yeah, exactly. No, take your time. We’ll be fine here. Yeah, I’m at Giles’, obviously. We’re working on a passage in the Tradescan Codex. No, I don’t think it’s anything we’ll need you for—not a mention of a demon in sight. Yeah, sure we can do that, no problem.”
Willow hung up the phone and turned to Giles with a truly awed expression on her face. “Giles, Angel’s human!”
Giles simply stared at her, not understanding, for a long moment. “Angel is . . . what?”
“Human,” Willow repeated. “You know—lub-dub, lub-dub?” She made an exaggerated pumping gesture above her left breast to stimulate the beating of a human heart.
“Erm, yes. And this came about how?” After all, the whole notion was preposterous. Vampires did not simply become human again, any more than—he stopped, unable to think of things which did not happen. After all, he had been brought up to be a Watcher since an early age, and the fact that magic existed had always been a constant in his life. Nothing was impossible.
But some things were really, incredibly, inordinately improbable. Those things only happened about once a year in Sunnydale, instead of once a week. He supposed they had been past due.
“They’re not sure,” Willow answered, frowning. “Some type of demon blood, they think. They’re still trying to figure everything out.”
“I see.” Well, at least Giles wasn’t the only person completely blindsided by this sudden turn of events.
"She wanted me to call her mother," Willow added. "Do you mind?" She gestured toward the phone.
"What? No, of course." He watched as Willow punched in Joyce's number, then returned to the solace of his own thoughts. Buffy would want to stay with Angel, of course, although in all likelihood it would be Angel who returned to Sunnydale. Buffy still had her calling.
Although, so had Angel, of a sorts. Giles didn’t know the details, but it had been his understanding that the vampire had opened up some sort of supernatural detective agency, and was saving lost soles in L.A. That mission would have come to an end, he supposed; it was not as if as a human Angel would be able to stand up against the dark forces in anything other than a strictly ancillary capacity—the sort of capacity Giles had held for many years. Angel would return to guide Buffy once again.
Not that Buffy needed any guidance anymore, of course. She hardly needed him as it was; with Angel at her side, he “My Slayer has outgrown me,” he said to himself, feeling a heaviness sink over him as he said it.
Willow looked up at him from the Tradescan Codex. “Excuse me?” she said.
Giles shook his head. “Nothing. It’s just that—I need to go make a phone call.” He rose, crossing to the phone in the kitchen which he hoped was far enough that Willow wouldn’t be able to hear him speak. Pulling a calling card out of his pocket, he started to dial an insane amount of digits. Several recorded voices later, a familiar voice finally answer.
“Hello?” asked a groggy voice on the other end. Of course, Giles thought, it would be several hours later in the United Kingdom. How could he have forgotten that?
“Olivia, it’s Rupert,” Giles answered.
“Oh,” she said, her voice becoming clearer as she came to full consciousness. “Is this about my visit next month?”
“In a way,” confirmed Giles. “I’m afraid you won’t need to make a visit. I’m returning to England.”
“Oh,” she said, sounding much less enthusiastic than he had expected. Perhaps she was still tired? “Is this because of that blonde-haired girl?”
“Who, Buffy? No. Well, yes, but—” He broke off, unsure how to explain. Tell Olivia that he had been a Watcher assigned to guide Buffy in slaying vampires but that she no longer needed him because her vampire boyfriend had become mortal? She’d think he was making up stories, just like she had all those years ago in his Ripper days.
“Ripper,” she said, “I know how our arrangement works, and it’s none of my business who you go to bed with when I’m not there. But I’m not going to let you just run away from your life, either. I don’t know what your relationship with this Buffy is, but whatever it is, work it out with her. I won’t be your rebound.”
“It’s not like—” he insisted, but before he could finish, she’d hung up.
Willow spoke to him as he made his way back to her. “I think I’ve worked out something important. It seems that the Etruscan is really—”
“Thank you, Willow,” Giles interrupted her. “I’m sure it’ll be of great use to Angel and Buffy when they return.”
Willow was a bright girl, and caught on immediately that there was something odd about what he said. “What do you mean?” she asked.
“I’m returning to England,” he admitted. “Buffy no longer needs me.”
“You can’t!” Willow said, with much more emotion than he expected. “We need you!”
“I’m sure you’ll find—” Giles couldn’t finish his sentence, because Willow did something he never would have expected.
She kissed him.
It took a long moment for his mind to react, to be able to get over the sheer unexpectedness of the event. Unfortunately, his mouth knew exactly how to react, instinctively kissing her back, letting his lips slide open to make room for her tongue. When his mind finally caught up, he knew he should pull back, tell her this was wrong, make her stop. But he didn’t.
And when she began to unbutton his shirt, he reciprocated by pulling her blouse over her head.
* * * * *
Giles woke up in his bed, a warm presence next to him. “Olivia?” he asked groggily, as he turned to give his lover a good-morning kiss. What he saw made him start: Willow Rosenberg, blissfully unconscious, lying naked in his bed. The events of the last evening rushed back into his memory.
Oh, god. Had he really slept with a teenage girl? Just because his teenaged Slayer was sleeping with someone else, and didn’t need him anymore?
He got up, made his way to his closet and began to get dressed. If he was quiet, maybe he could get to the airport without Willow waking up. He didn’t know how he’d be able to look her in the eye after what he’d. He didn’t know how he would be able to look anyone in the eye ever again. He didn’t know if he would ever be able to look in a mirror.
He didn’t know if he could go on living with the knowledge of what he had done.
Luckily for him, he wouldn’t have to.
Fandom: Buffy the Vampire Slayer / Angel
Rating: Restricted/Mature
Pairings: Giles/Willow, Giles/Buffy, Giles/Olivia, Buffy/Angel
Timeline/Chronology: “I Will Remember You”
Summary: Some things are better off never having happened. For the IWRY Ficathon.
It had been twelve hundred and seventy-five days, exactly, that Rupert Giles had been in Sunnydale. Through all that time, he’d known exactly what he was doing there: he had a sacred duty to guide and protect a teenage girl with a well, inventive control of what Americans facetiously call the English language. He tried to hide from that destiny once, but now knew he cannot any longer; it was part of who he was. And the truth was, he no longer wanted to.
He could never have imagined, as a rebellious young man experimenting with Ethan and Deidre and Randall and Philip and all the others, the type of joy this destiny would one day bring to him, how satisfying it could be to mentor and guide a young American girl and watch her to mature and become such an extraordinary woman. He had lost his job with the Council when he had stood up against Travers, refusing (albeit belatedly) to let them send his Slayer to her death. He had lost his job as a Sunnydale High librarian when he had detonated high-yield explosives at his place of employment. Now he was no more than an unemployed Briton with a green card. None of that mattered. Destiny didn’t seem to care in the least whether or not he was drawing a paycheck. His life now had a purpose, and that purpose just happened to have the rather unlikely name of Buffy Anne Summers.
“Giles? Are you even listening to me?”
“What? Oh yes, Willow, please go on.”
Willow had come over that evening to discuss a specific passage in the Tradescan Codex she felt might be important. The girl had grown much more advanced in her ability to decode and utilize mystical texts—while her actual skill with language still lagged far behind his own, her ability as a witch was already beginning to outshine anything he could teach her. “See these diacriticals?” she asked. “They suddenly become bivalent.”
“Erm, yes. Bivalent diacriticals in the Codex typically represent some type of split, or the potential for radical change,” he answered, distracted. Buffy was in L.A. for the day, confronting Angel after Xander let slip the vampire’s involvement in the Thanksgiving situation. It disturbed him somewhat that Angel was still capable of upsetting Buffy to that degree. Emotional control was important in a Slayer, who needed to be able to make quick decisions on a battlefield. Angel had left because he had realized how damaging the relationship had been. Giles wasn’t quite sure Buffy herself was yet capable of seeing things objectively.
“But Giles, everything begins to carry the bivalent diacriticals—even the verbs and the prepositions. It’s as if the entire world was about to split into two.”
“What?” He examined the passage in the Codex more closely. “Why, yes, that is rather odd.”
It was at that moment that the telephone rang. Willow was closer to the phone, and without hesitation picked it up to answer it. Giles supposed he should be glad the girl was that comfortable in his house, but resented somewhat the violation of privacy. What if it were Olivia who was calling him?
“Hello?” asked Willow. “Oh, hey, Buff. How’s Angel? Really? That’s—well, that’s great, I guess. So are you going to—no, I get it, you need time and all. I mean, this is so—yeah, exactly. No, take your time. We’ll be fine here. Yeah, I’m at Giles’, obviously. We’re working on a passage in the Tradescan Codex. No, I don’t think it’s anything we’ll need you for—not a mention of a demon in sight. Yeah, sure we can do that, no problem.”
Willow hung up the phone and turned to Giles with a truly awed expression on her face. “Giles, Angel’s human!”
Giles simply stared at her, not understanding, for a long moment. “Angel is . . . what?”
“Human,” Willow repeated. “You know—lub-dub, lub-dub?” She made an exaggerated pumping gesture above her left breast to stimulate the beating of a human heart.
“Erm, yes. And this came about how?” After all, the whole notion was preposterous. Vampires did not simply become human again, any more than—he stopped, unable to think of things which did not happen. After all, he had been brought up to be a Watcher since an early age, and the fact that magic existed had always been a constant in his life. Nothing was impossible.
But some things were really, incredibly, inordinately improbable. Those things only happened about once a year in Sunnydale, instead of once a week. He supposed they had been past due.
“They’re not sure,” Willow answered, frowning. “Some type of demon blood, they think. They’re still trying to figure everything out.”
“I see.” Well, at least Giles wasn’t the only person completely blindsided by this sudden turn of events.
"She wanted me to call her mother," Willow added. "Do you mind?" She gestured toward the phone.
"What? No, of course." He watched as Willow punched in Joyce's number, then returned to the solace of his own thoughts. Buffy would want to stay with Angel, of course, although in all likelihood it would be Angel who returned to Sunnydale. Buffy still had her calling.
Although, so had Angel, of a sorts. Giles didn’t know the details, but it had been his understanding that the vampire had opened up some sort of supernatural detective agency, and was saving lost soles in L.A. That mission would have come to an end, he supposed; it was not as if as a human Angel would be able to stand up against the dark forces in anything other than a strictly ancillary capacity—the sort of capacity Giles had held for many years. Angel would return to guide Buffy once again.
Not that Buffy needed any guidance anymore, of course. She hardly needed him as it was; with Angel at her side, he “My Slayer has outgrown me,” he said to himself, feeling a heaviness sink over him as he said it.
Willow looked up at him from the Tradescan Codex. “Excuse me?” she said.
Giles shook his head. “Nothing. It’s just that—I need to go make a phone call.” He rose, crossing to the phone in the kitchen which he hoped was far enough that Willow wouldn’t be able to hear him speak. Pulling a calling card out of his pocket, he started to dial an insane amount of digits. Several recorded voices later, a familiar voice finally answer.
“Hello?” asked a groggy voice on the other end. Of course, Giles thought, it would be several hours later in the United Kingdom. How could he have forgotten that?
“Olivia, it’s Rupert,” Giles answered.
“Oh,” she said, her voice becoming clearer as she came to full consciousness. “Is this about my visit next month?”
“In a way,” confirmed Giles. “I’m afraid you won’t need to make a visit. I’m returning to England.”
“Oh,” she said, sounding much less enthusiastic than he had expected. Perhaps she was still tired? “Is this because of that blonde-haired girl?”
“Who, Buffy? No. Well, yes, but—” He broke off, unsure how to explain. Tell Olivia that he had been a Watcher assigned to guide Buffy in slaying vampires but that she no longer needed him because her vampire boyfriend had become mortal? She’d think he was making up stories, just like she had all those years ago in his Ripper days.
“Ripper,” she said, “I know how our arrangement works, and it’s none of my business who you go to bed with when I’m not there. But I’m not going to let you just run away from your life, either. I don’t know what your relationship with this Buffy is, but whatever it is, work it out with her. I won’t be your rebound.”
“It’s not like—” he insisted, but before he could finish, she’d hung up.
Willow spoke to him as he made his way back to her. “I think I’ve worked out something important. It seems that the Etruscan is really—”
“Thank you, Willow,” Giles interrupted her. “I’m sure it’ll be of great use to Angel and Buffy when they return.”
Willow was a bright girl, and caught on immediately that there was something odd about what he said. “What do you mean?” she asked.
“I’m returning to England,” he admitted. “Buffy no longer needs me.”
“You can’t!” Willow said, with much more emotion than he expected. “We need you!”
“I’m sure you’ll find—” Giles couldn’t finish his sentence, because Willow did something he never would have expected.
She kissed him.
It took a long moment for his mind to react, to be able to get over the sheer unexpectedness of the event. Unfortunately, his mouth knew exactly how to react, instinctively kissing her back, letting his lips slide open to make room for her tongue. When his mind finally caught up, he knew he should pull back, tell her this was wrong, make her stop. But he didn’t.
And when she began to unbutton his shirt, he reciprocated by pulling her blouse over her head.
Giles woke up in his bed, a warm presence next to him. “Olivia?” he asked groggily, as he turned to give his lover a good-morning kiss. What he saw made him start: Willow Rosenberg, blissfully unconscious, lying naked in his bed. The events of the last evening rushed back into his memory.
Oh, god. Had he really slept with a teenage girl? Just because his teenaged Slayer was sleeping with someone else, and didn’t need him anymore?
He got up, made his way to his closet and began to get dressed. If he was quiet, maybe he could get to the airport without Willow waking up. He didn’t know how he’d be able to look her in the eye after what he’d. He didn’t know how he would be able to look anyone in the eye ever again. He didn’t know if he would ever be able to look in a mirror.
He didn’t know if he could go on living with the knowledge of what he had done.
Luckily for him, he wouldn’t have to.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-09 11:48 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-10 12:03 am (UTC)I originally planned for a much more explicit Giles/Buffy thread to assert himself, but that epiphany never occurred in the fic as its written here, and it was already too late to fool with it. But Olivia's comments were able to gesture in that direction.
Maybe I'll rewrite it sometime; I'm not 100% satisfied with how this turned out.
The Tradescan Codex pretty much appears in something like 60% of all the fic I've written to date. It's the ultimate McGuffin. (E.g., watch out for the bivalent diacriticals to return in Divine Interventions.)
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-10 12:26 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-10 12:52 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-10 02:37 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-10 03:34 pm (UTC)My Connor was a big help in bringing that lightness to Dawn. When she originally went to live with Hank, she was depressed and didn't feel like she fit anywhere, but as she developed a relationship with Mind-wiped!Connor, she got some of that natural ebullience back. That's the really fun part of writing Dawn--she wasn't developed enough in canon for anyone to definitively say "this is how Dawn would behave" a year or two down the line, so she can go whichever way is needed for the story. She can either be forced to grow up too fast and become somewhat jaded, or she can move on from the happenings of Sunnydale and have the semblance of a normal like that Buffy missed out on. I love Dawn as a character!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-12 02:20 am (UTC)(Actually, Divine Interventions goes a long way towards killing that element of her, but I think "Watcher's Burden" contains believable characterization even when read alone. Since Divine Interventions isn't posted yet, obviously. And canon itself goes a long way towards killing any character's "natural ebullience," especially Dawn's.)
I remember a shot of Dawn from the credits, where's she smiling as she frantically gestures. I sort of miss that Dawn, and enjoyed being able to see her again in your fic,
(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-11 08:12 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-08-11 09:40 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-03 10:47 pm (UTC)