I bookmarked this way back when it was first posted publically and am finally now getting aruond to reading it. Makes me sad that it's locked because I'd like to rec it.
The characters feel very in character, and the story really drew me in.
> Above the fireplace in the living room, there was a framed print of what looked like a woodcut of some many-tentacled beast. River asked about it once. “That’s Illyria,” Fred had explained. “It’s the thing that took my soul.”
Love that. And what a fascinating idea, bringing back Fred-as-Fred but also without a soul. And I love the double meaning of the story title.
I've never been much of a Harmony fan, but you did really interesting stuff with her being around, so you get serious points for that.
You would bring in Dru, too, wouldn't you? :)
> Supernatural Porphyriac
Rock! (And Renfield, too :) )
---
typos:
> All of her life things had come easy to her,
Should that be "easily"?
> “How have you been doing, River?” she asked in that detached, clinical tone that teachers so often took. “You’re classes aren’t giving you too much difficulty, I trust?”
Should be "your"
> “No!” River surprised herself with the intensity with which she said the word. She wouldn’t be allowed to take “Don’t take me out of the class,” she added, weakly. “I’m learning so much.”
Part of a sentence is missing.
> HArmony paused, then took a step closer.
capitalization
> An already destabilized matrix could be caused to destabilize even further simply by running it concurrently with another
missing a period
> River didn’t know, but it was something she could find.
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Date: 2006-08-11 01:31 pm (UTC)The characters feel very in character, and the story really drew me in.
> Above the fireplace in the living room, there was a framed print of what looked like a woodcut of some many-tentacled beast. River asked about it once. “That’s Illyria,” Fred had explained. “It’s the thing that took my soul.”
Love that. And what a fascinating idea, bringing back Fred-as-Fred but also without a soul. And I love the double meaning of the story title.
I've never been much of a Harmony fan, but you did really interesting stuff with her being around, so you get serious points for that.
You would bring in Dru, too, wouldn't you? :)
> Supernatural Porphyriac
Rock! (And Renfield, too :) )
---
typos:
> All of her life things had come easy to her,
Should that be "easily"?
> “How have you been doing, River?” she asked in that detached, clinical tone that teachers so often took. “You’re classes aren’t giving you too much difficulty, I trust?”
Should be "your"
> “No!” River surprised herself with the intensity with which she said the word. She wouldn’t be allowed to take “Don’t take me out of the class,” she added, weakly. “I’m learning so much.”
Part of a sentence is missing.
> HArmony paused, then took a step closer.
capitalization
> An already destabilized matrix could be caused to destabilize even further simply by running it concurrently with another
missing a period
> River didn’t know, but it was something she could find.
Should that be "find out" rather than "find"?